I’m sitting here on Friday morning trying to get my blog back into it’s accustomed routine – it’s Friday, so it must be blog day. The only problem is that since just before Christmas and the end of my residency at DCA, I have lost all semblance of anything resembling motivation in my life. All I want to do is sit in front of the fire and read novels on my iPad. I’m really getting through them at the moment and I’m reading the print off the iPad Guardian every day as well. I’m not sure if it’s iPad addiction – I haven’t touched it yet this morning, its already quarter to ten and I am feeling strangely empty and a bit wobbly; or whether it’s seasonal torpor SAD, mad and dangerous to know; end of project blues – I’ll never have another good idea in my life, my artistic career so far is a fluke and I might as well give up now. Or what.
I should know the symptoms of all of the above well enough, they are old acquaintances well kent – with the exception of the iPad thing, and I should, by this stage in my life, have developed strategies for dealing with them. But I haven’t, so here I am again in a very boggy patch eating thistles.
My film was shown in the cinema last Friday and I just about managed to drag myself in for the event. I did very little to try and drum up an interested audience, although thankfully, the combination of me and Terry drew a reasonable 27 punters anyhow – all down to DCA and Mr Malick’s genius, I suspect. Still, my little film did look amazing on the Big Screen, my introductory talk escaped ridicule – well, within my hearing anyway and what you don’t know can’t hurt you. And my lovely friend Rachel came all the way up from the Borders for the event, which was way beyond the call of duty and much valued.
It’s not as though I don’t have any ideas for new work, I do, It’s just that I have lost the hunger – I have no motivation.
How does one address this? I wish I knew but if you have any suggestions which don’t involve iPads, answers on a post card please. On the bright side, the builders have finally finished. Really.